Grief - One Month

The alarm goes off and a new day begins.
My first thought - He's still not here.
I pray.  Not with words, for words do not come easily anymore.
My heart, my soul, cries out to God,
A silent plea,
"I do not want to do this!"
The words from a Psalm come to mind.
'God is close to the broken-hearted'
And my heart breaks once more.
 
The cat walks through the room
Reminding me of things to be done.
The weight of it all falls on me as I arise.
Sadness descends, a presence unseen and unwanted but always near.
I shuffle through a fog, struggling to concentrate on the daily routine.

I miss him more than I ever could have imagined.
Memories of him fill my mind,
Everything seems to remind me of him.
I yearn for one more hug, one more 'I Love You'.
I check my phone waiting for a call or text from him,
But these things are not to be.
 
I have moments - none of them good.
Tears come unexpectedly.
Are you okay? A stranger stops and asks
I'm fine, I mutter
Thinking all the while that I may never be fine or good or happy again.

Like a kid with a much loved toy
I sleep with his things - his pillow, his robe, his shirt
I spend the night keeping these things close to me
Hoping to hold on to his presence just a little bit longer.

I do not want to do this...
The alarm goes off and another day begins.

 

Bobby Powell

My husband and my partner - I love him so much.  This is the obituary write-up from Baldwin-Lee.  I thought they did a good job putting this into words.  

In Memory of  Robert "Bobby" Powell

August 17, 1951 - January 20, 2015

Obituary

Robert W. "Bobby" Powell, 63, passed from this life Tuesday, January 20, 2015 in Brandon.

Visitation will be 5:00-7:00pm, Friday, January 23, 2015 at Baldwin-Lee Funeral Home in Pearl. Funeral services will follow at 7:00pm in the funeral home chapel.

Bobby was born Friday, August 17, 1951, a son of the late Wiley T. Powell and Dessa Hobson Powell. A native of Pearl, Bobby graduated from Pearl High School in 1969. A natural athlete, Bobby played baseball in school for many years. He was considered for Major League recruitment but opted to enlist in the military. Bobby proudly served our country in the U.S. Army and was stationed in Korea's Demilitarized Zone (DMZ).

Before retirement, he worked for many years as an electrician in the Jackson area. Bobby's favorite times were spent with his family and friends, and he particularly enjoyed Christmas and birthday celebrations. A true animal lover, more than once Bobby brought home stray or abandoned dogs he had found to love and care for. He also had a keen interest in collecting Coca Cola memorabilia.

Bobby had a strong Christian faith and walked with God. He was a member of Broadmoor Baptist Church in Madison. He had been active within several AA groups and supported the church's recovery ministry. He loved to share his faith with those who were struggling with addictions.

As many know, Bobby was a talented and gifted musician, writing and performing many original songs. He also played several instruments, including guitar and piano. His music will remain in the hearts of all who were honored to know and love Bobby.

Survivors include his wife of 23 years, Julie Magee Powell; son, Robby Powell; daughter, Kerri Raspberry; grandchildren, Mackenzie Powell, Brooklyn Powell, Codi Ray, Robby Powell and Chance Dent; brother, Donnie Powell; and sisters, Sandra Price and Patsy Neese.

Memorials may be made to the American Heart Association at www.heart.org.

To Behold TheGlory

To behold the glory of Jesus means that we began to find Christ beautiful for who He is in Himself. It means a kind of prayer in which we are not simply coming to Him to get His forgiveness, His help for our needs, His favor and blessing. Rather, the consideration of His character, words, and work on our behalf becomes inherently satisfying, enjoyable, comforting, and strengthening. 

-John Owen (1616-1683)

Reflections from John

 I read the gospel of John over the last two days.  I am so use to reading scripture by the chapters, usually a chapter or two per day.  But this week's assigned reading for a class I'm taking was The Gospel of John - all of it.  Thought I would share some of my reflections on the big picture reading of John.

Jesus spends a lot of time in John explaining who He is.  He is the Word, the Light, the Way.  He is one with the Father and I Am.  John emphasizes that Jesus and God are One.  To know Jesus is to know God.

I have been many of the people John wrote about.  I’ve been the woman at the well trying to hide her shameful past, a life gone wrong with no idea of how to fix things.  And then I too met Jesus.  I’ve been the blind beggar living in darkness, reaching out the best I could, hoping that someone would help me.  And then I too met Jesus.  And Jesus changed everything.  

He who comes from above is above all (John 3:31).  There is nothing outside the sovereignty of Jesus.  There is no problem, no situation, no thought, no struggle that He cannot walk into.  If I will trust Him, He will walk with me and will be a light in the darkness.  He gives me life.

The fields are white for harvest (John 4:35).  Jesus gives us a job.  He gives me purpose.  There is work to be done.  He sets an example by talking with the Samaritan women.  A good Jewish male would never have spoken to an unmarried Samaritan women who was living in sin.  Jesus broke several cultural rules by sitting down alone with her and engaging her in a conversation which led to her spreading the news that the Messiah had arrived.  One thing I love about recovery ministry is the opportunity to speak into the lives of those who don't fit it and those who continue to live with the mistakes of their past.   

I love the imagery of sheep in the gospels.  Jesus, the good shepherd, calls and the sheep hear his voice.  I am praying to hear His voice more clearly and for discernment to understand His call.  One of my favorite bits of Scripture is Jesus telling Peter to “Feed my sheep.”  This has great meaning for me personally because I believe that I have been called also to help take care of His sheep.  I want to help that poor lost sheep who goes astray find its way back into the flock.  

Who am I?  I am alive.  I am loved.  I am fed by the living bread and refreshed by the living water.  I have been set free indeed by the One who is the Light of the world.

A thought from Psalm 81

I imagine heaven is a place filled with music!  Scripture seems to mention singing and making music a good bit. Psalm 81 begins with a call to worship God with music.

Sing aloud...

Shout for joy...

Raise a song...

Can't you just feel the excitement building as voices are raised to God?

Sound the tambourine...

The sweet lyre...

The harp...

Blow the trumpet...

An orchestra joins the choir and a mighty sound of joyful music rises to the heavens in worship and praise of The Lord our God. And the song that is sung continues as we join in today!

From Psalm 73

Lots of wonderful thoughts on this Psalm. It is one if my favorites. For now, I will share this one sentence. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Blessings & Strength...

First Things First - Christine Caine - Big Dreams

First Things First - Christine Caine



"A dream, on the other hand, needs God’s supernatural power to bring it to fulfillment."



Dream BIG!   I think we often tend to dream small dreams.  Maybe we are afraid of failure or disappointment.  So we dream small, safe dreams - the kind of things that seem easy to accomplish.  The kind of things that we might be able to do ourselves with just a bit of hard work.



But - God is big!  He holds all of creation.  God has big plans and He has a part for each of us in those plans.  Big dreams reach beyond our own capabilities.  Big dreams require faith - the kind of faith that believes God will open doors and God will provide opportunities. Big dreams because God can do immeasurably more than we realize!



Dream Big!  Then God and tell the world what He has done!